“Love what you do and do what you love. Don’t listen to anyone else who tells you not to do it. You do what you want, what you love. Imagination should be the center of your life.”
Ray Bradbury
I found my love for nursing in a condo in Irvine. It was my freshman year of college and i had no work experience. A nurse was willing to train me on the job to help her take care of patients post-cosmetic surgery. The only catch? I would be on call but she worked around my school schedule. What more could i really ask for?
I was a bio major. I hated every minute of it (except when i was taking genetics, which i developed a genuine interest in). The more i spent time at my job, the more i fell in love with bedside care. I decided that I wanted to pursue nursing, so i set out to speak to the school of nursing at my school. They were some of the most uninspiring, discouraging people I had ever met. They told me nursing probably was not for me (only based on my gpa). They knew nothing else about me. about my life. how i had ended up in their office. but as you already know, this did not stop my journey. I had decided that day that I would show them. I would one day be a nurse with or without them. I switched into the next closest thing to nursing in UCI – Public Health. I loved the program. Professors and classmates were friendly and it felt like more of a community than bio had ever felt. In bio it seemed like everyone was constantly competing against each other and no one had time for friends. I hated the cutthroat feel. So i was very glad to be in a different environment.
At the beginning of the sophomore year of UCI, I started a CNA program to get certified so that I could work in the hospital. I did the program concurrently with my UCI classes. I was taking 16-18 units and did the program on top of that. So I had no time. After a few months of juggling UCI classes, my CNA class, and my nursing home clinicals, I passed my CNA and applied to work at the hospital. My mom worked at the same hospital I applied for, but I did not want anyone to know who my mom was. I wanted people to respect and recognize me for my work ethic. Not who my mom was. I did patient vitals, repositioned patients, helped bathe and ambulate them, comforted patients and families going through hard times, held hands with patients who were dying, sat with patients who were confused, educated patients’ families on techniques for caring for their loved ones at home, made patient beds, fed patients who were unable to feed themselves, and developed rapport with countless lives. So for almost 3 years I juggled classes M-F and 12 hour work shifts Sat-Sun, where I cared for up to 10 patients. It was back breaking labor and I had little opportunities to sit down, as most of the chairs were snagged by nurses. My feet ached and I often held my bladder as I prioritized my patients over my own needs. But i loved the hospital because of the many nurses/CNAs I worked with and more importantly the patients I interacted with. Towards the end of my 2nd year of hospital work, the CNA work began to wear down my body. My back ached so much that I couldn’t sit or stand without having an immense amount of sharp pain. I tried everything – icing my back, using a warm compress, muscle relaxers, and even wearing a back brace during my whole shift. Nothing helped. This is around the time that I began to wonder if admin work was something for me (it wasnt…but I did try it for some 8 months and really loved and appreciated my manager). I didn’t like the routine of doing the same thing everyday. It felt monotonous and predictable. I missed the excitement of not knowing what patients would walk through my door and what diseases or ailments they would have.
I began working at a local clinic as a CNA, but I worked alongside medical assistants. I learned how to do EKGs, run urine analysis, prepare urine cultures, and write lab and radiology orders. One month into the job, I was approached and offered an opportunity to scribe for the doctor. I was so honored, as I looked up to her and the way she cared for her patients. I wanted to keep both positions, so I ended up juggling both back office work and scribing. I learned so many things – how to speak to patients, care coordination, what medications were for what disease, and understanding that sometimes things were not what they seemed. I learned what it looked like to be a nonjudgmental provider who was able to empathize and understand her patients. She helped humanize medicine for me. I had only ever come across a handful of other doctors who were like her – genuine, sincere, caring, and completely selfless. I look up to her in many ways…still do. While I worked at the clinic, I took on all of her patients. I helped to coordinate their appointments, their cancer care, their medication refills, you name it. I probably did it. At that point, patients knew that getting a hold of the doctor was too hard, so they would call me. The right hand. I loved working with her. I also wanted more for myself. I still held onto this dream of nursing school. With my undergrad gpa being as low as it was, I never believed I would get in. But i had hope and knew that if given the opportunity I would be able to show that passion and motivation I had.
At this point of my life, I had graduated from UCI with a bachelors in Public Health. I had finished my nursing prereqs and applied to nursing school once before (foolishly only applied to 1 program and was crushed when i didn’t get in on my first and only try lol). I took a year off from applying and worked at the clinic before finally pushing myself to apply again. This time, I applied to every nursing program I could possibly apply to: ADN, BSN, MSNE. I didn’t care what program it was. I wanted so desperately to be in a program and begin my nursing career. It was mid January and I was driving home from work when I received an email for an interview for the MSNE program. I was so excited that I called my parents and my bf (at the time) to share the news. My hands and voice were shaking. I couldn’t believe that I was getting an opportunity. I went to my interview which went extremely well, but I was not sure how they perceived the interview. So for 2 months I waited and fervently checked my emails. Until one day my sister and I were driving to visit her best friend’s grave. I checked my email and saw that I had been offered a position in the program. My eyes swelled up with tears of joy. I could not believe that I had gotten it and that all of my hard work had paid off after so many years. I called my parents and ran home and told my grandmother.
Fastforwarding a year now, I am currently in my 2nd semester of nursing school. I am loving every minute of it. The commute is sometimes a drag, but it is worth it for me. I am learning and experiencing so many new things. I am nervous and excited both at the same time. It’s a scary thing to think that real lives will one day depend on me, my judgement, and my experience and education. But the journey has begun and I am truly blessed and so very honored to be able to be where I am. Doing what I love. and loving what I do.
Diariesofnursing 